I admit, I'm not normal. Or maybe I should say I'm not what the world thinks is normal. Or further still, maybe I should say I'm not what I feel like others think is normal.
Yes, I know that was probably confusing but hear me out. I think on some level we all don't necessarily think we're normal. Many people try really hard to fit in. I know I do. But I've also learned recently that I am much more introspective than others might be. So, therefore, even though I'm acting in a way that others find normal, inside it is not easy. Inside I am over thinking every comment, glance, nonverbal cue, and sigh.
Yes, it is maddening.
For most of my life I have just accepted my oddity and tried to ignore it and fit in. But, I'm tired of trying to just be a "normal" person when inside I am straight up weird.
Today, my fiance just called it, "quirky." Thank goodness he finds it endearing because I know that it does not make the easiest partner to live with.
But, then again, if I can just find the right outlet for my weirdness I might be just fine. Recently I've become somewhat obsessive about redefining myself and figuring out where I fit in. I've been feeling the urge to actually focus more on being an artist. It's kind of always been my dream, but I think I was afraid of being bad at it. But if I can't stop thinking about it, dreaming about it, and wishing it, I think it must be time to give it a try.
Why not?
If I will never grow out of my weirdness, why not just embrace it? Why not just see where it takes me? I know there is a delicate balance between being yourself and being selfish. I don't want to be a worse human being, I just want to be an even more honest human being. Why suffer the torture of not being yourself just to make everyone else happy? (being overly polite, telling people what you think they want to hear, not "rocking the boat") Because at the end of the day I am not happy, and then no one is happy.
I think ignoring who you truly are is a terrible fault. We were all designed and born to be different, not boring, cookie cutter humans. If God wanted us all to be cookie-cutter then we would be much more robot-like. But instead we all seem to be pulled in a million different directions, full of different curiosities and interests.
So we'll see, I don't think I'll be the same girl that someone might have known this year, next year. And I'm glad. I want to go after my dreams and try to make them happen. Only time will tell.
Yes, I know that was probably confusing but hear me out. I think on some level we all don't necessarily think we're normal. Many people try really hard to fit in. I know I do. But I've also learned recently that I am much more introspective than others might be. So, therefore, even though I'm acting in a way that others find normal, inside it is not easy. Inside I am over thinking every comment, glance, nonverbal cue, and sigh.
Yes, it is maddening.
For most of my life I have just accepted my oddity and tried to ignore it and fit in. But, I'm tired of trying to just be a "normal" person when inside I am straight up weird.
Today, my fiance just called it, "quirky." Thank goodness he finds it endearing because I know that it does not make the easiest partner to live with.
But, then again, if I can just find the right outlet for my weirdness I might be just fine. Recently I've become somewhat obsessive about redefining myself and figuring out where I fit in. I've been feeling the urge to actually focus more on being an artist. It's kind of always been my dream, but I think I was afraid of being bad at it. But if I can't stop thinking about it, dreaming about it, and wishing it, I think it must be time to give it a try.
Why not?
If I will never grow out of my weirdness, why not just embrace it? Why not just see where it takes me? I know there is a delicate balance between being yourself and being selfish. I don't want to be a worse human being, I just want to be an even more honest human being. Why suffer the torture of not being yourself just to make everyone else happy? (being overly polite, telling people what you think they want to hear, not "rocking the boat") Because at the end of the day I am not happy, and then no one is happy.
I think ignoring who you truly are is a terrible fault. We were all designed and born to be different, not boring, cookie cutter humans. If God wanted us all to be cookie-cutter then we would be much more robot-like. But instead we all seem to be pulled in a million different directions, full of different curiosities and interests.
So we'll see, I don't think I'll be the same girl that someone might have known this year, next year. And I'm glad. I want to go after my dreams and try to make them happen. Only time will tell.
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